Election 2012: America Watched Fight, Buys Media Sweat Towels

Nearly a week has passed since American voters said “Yes” to an economy going nowhere. After spending a sopping seven days in a cloud of confusion, drenched in depression and struck at times with lightning bolts of anger, I am finally able to talk about it. Election 2012 wasn’t decided until the final bell. America watched the slugfest which will long be remembered for sucker punches and the hurricane blow. The Champ danced in deception as he avoided the right-handed jabs of his challenger. His well-trained media towel jockeys still celebrate Obama’s victory while fight fans and job seekers wait in line to buy their souvenir media sweat towels.

America went into Election 2012 like an over-the-hill prize fighter stumbling into the ring one last time. Those who voted for Obama were making a last ditch effort to put a few more dollars into their almost empty bank accounts. The attraction of an even bigger purse in the second term of a stagnant economy clouded voter decisions much like the punch-drunk fighter who envisions himself rolling from the ring into a bathtub full of dollars. The American voter was desperate to make a comeback. The $$$ signs spinning in voters’ heads left them defenseless to the sucker-punching, “fair share” Champion of the World.

Image Source: foodcourtlunch.com

The media towel jockeys who wipe Obama’s sweat and sell their smelly rags to the mindless masses sat in his corner doing everything they could to focus fan attention on Hurricane Sandy while the challenger threw glancing economic punches to the Champ’s hardened six-pack.

The challenger’s game plan was to fight the clean fight. Romney’s punches were backed by the hard-driving statistics of a stagnant economy: 23 million people out of work, nearly 47 million people on food stamps, a Real Unemployment Rate (U-6) of almost 15%, a $4000 decrease in real household income since 2009, a doubling of gas prices since 2009 and startling increases in food prices from mid-2010 through 2012 (3.7% in 2011 and another 2.5-3.5% in 2012). The challenger chose to stay away from the Benghazi scandal which saw 4 Americans die while the President’s team sat in the Situation Room eating hastily prepared bags of buttered popcorn washed down by hefty 16 oz. frosted mugs of the nation’s finest micro-brews before rushing to Las Vegas for another round.

The reigning Champion’s well-planned strategy was to cover-up the wounds he suffered in the summer with skillful deceptions applied in the fall. The deceptive dance steps, well-practiced by his media towel jockeys, were choreographed to cover his ugly scars and to keep his adoring fans in tow.

The nation’s CIA chief, Daniel Petraeus, was under a three-month long FBI investigation for a sexual relationship with Paula Broadwell which began in July and ended the week before Election Day. First words of the tryst were leaked to the towel jockeys two days after the election when Petraeus’ resignation was conveniently announced a week before his scheduled testimony on the Benghazi-Gate scandal. The Champ’s corner had no word (?) of the Petraeus affair or the FBI’s investigation of him (?) despite Broadwell’s public speech on October 26th which included classified (?) disclosures of Libyan terrorists (?) being held in the secret annex jail in Benghazi? The Champ’s trainer, Eric Holder, had no idea (?) his FBI Director was investigating the CIA Chief until the towel jockeys reported the news on November 9th?

Other important injuries to the Champ’s pride occurred during his six long months of training leading up to the Benghazi attack on September 11th. Thirteen security punches thrown by his sparring partners cracked three teeth, knocked out two and KO’d him once as they scored direct hits to the Champ’s jaw in his spring and summer training sessions. His fans were kept uninformed by the towel jockeys who worked feverishly to mop up the blood. The injuries requiring stitches at the time were:

• April, 2012, BENGHAZI: A gun battle between an unidentified armed group and forces loyal to the Transitional National Council (TNC) occurred about 4km from Consulate Benghazi. The unidentified armed group attacked a Ministry of the Interior building in an attempt to seize a fleet of vehicles that had belonged to the Gaddafi regime. The gun battle included use of antiaircraft guns and RPGs.

• May 22, 2012, BENGHAZI: Two RPG rounds were fired at the Benghazi office of the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC), approximately I km from Consulate Benghazi. The attack occurred during the early morning hours and there were no casualties. A Facebook posting that claimed responsibility for the attack said: “After we confirmed that the ICRC were giving out the Bible to the refugees of Tuwerga in Benghazi, a group of Mujaheddin attacked the HQ of the ICRC with an RPG and it targeted the meeting room inside the building. We didn’t want to hurt the Christians it is just a warning, we also didn’t want to hurt any Muslims working there. We recorded it on video and will publish it soon — so the lCRC must take down their flag with the Red Cross and close its offices in Libya. We announce that Libya is an Islamic State. We did not attack the Sahara Bank. Finally, now we are preparing a message for the Americans for disturbing the skies over Derna.”

• June 6, 2012, BENGHAZI: Under cover of darkness, assailants placed an lED on the north gate of Consulate Benghazi, blowing a hole in the security perimeter that was described by one individual as, “big enough for forty men to go through.”

• June 10,2012, BENGHAZI: On or about June 10,2012, a two-car convoy carrying the British Ambassador to Libya from a conference on reforming Libyan military law was attacked in broad daylight by a militant with an RPG.

• Late June 2012, BENGHAZI: The ICRC building was attacked again, this time in broad daylight while people were inside. Once the ICRC pulled out, the US Consulate was the last Western flag flying in Benghazi, making it an ideal target for militants.

• WEEKS BEFORE September 11, 2012, BENGHAZI: The unarmed Libyan guards employed by British contractor Blue Mountain Group were being warned by their family members to quit their jobs guarding Consulate Benghazi because there were rumors in the community of an impending attack.

 N.B. Above references are direct quotes from NewMediaJournal.us

Were it not for the quick action by the Champ’s towel jockeys five days before the Championship bout, the Champ could have been left without his trunks for the final slugfest. Iran, on November 1st, used its Russian-made SU-25 jets to attack a U.S. Predator drone flying well outside Iranian airspace. The act of war, had it been disclosed by the Champ’s towel jockeys prior to the all-important bout on November 6th, would have exposed the Champ’s limp foreign policy package to his sex-scandal-crazed fan base. The New York Times reported the incident on November 8th, a full seven days after its occurrence. Media coverage was precisely calculated to tempt the huge election audience with the salacious content of a guaranteed-to-last story.

The sweat began to pour from the Champ’s weakened torso as the odds makers began to move decidedly away from him. The Champ hastily reached for his prayer rug and begged Allah for a climate change. Hurricane Sandy answered the Champ’s prayers on October 29th when it drenched fight fans with the media’s full-time talk of the stormy weather. Talk of Benghazi and the tragic murder of four Americans was wiped away from the public’s eye.

The towel jockeys happily wiped the sweat from the Champ’s brow as they washed, dried, wiped and then sold countless sweat-soaked rags to the millions of mindless fans standing in line. Many bought photos of the Champ in a warm, bipartisan hug professionally staged to show how much he cared. The climate-saved fighter quickly returned to his campaign a day later.

Eight days passed and there was no more talk of the 4-year economic storm that tangled  America’s audience in the ropes of his phony fight to protect the middle class.

The “Champ,” even now, has no idea how to Rocky-up to beat our nation’s income degradation and unemployment problems.

The media towel jockeys can rest easy now. Their climate-saved “Champion” has won and, “with a man_date,” the towel jockeys drift quietly asleep tightly clutching their sweat stained but highly treasured towels. Many of the talksters have refused to wash their towels and return them to their boss, preferring instead to sniff them before retiring at night.

The media talksters, refreshed by their Champion’s win, feel the tingle running up their legs as they soak up the more exciting dribbles of the CIA sex scandal. The steamy military scandal now includes another four-star General and some shirtless photos (SHOCK !) emailed to Jill Kelley by the FBI’s lead investigator in the ménage-a-quatre probe.

Image Source: www.dailymail.co.uk

Meanwhile the American audience hungers for a remedy to the Champion’s economic impotence. Unfortunately, it will be at least four more years before the pharmaceutical politic is expected to advance a cure. Republicans are still mired in Phase 1 testing while the Dems are still looking for a fighter able to perform like the champion he claims to be.

Now that the Championship bout is over, the U.S. Department of Labor released a frightening November forecast of a powerful new unemployment storm ready to sucker punch us again. Initial unemployment claims for the week ending November 10th are up 78,000 from the week before, rising to 439,000 from the previous number of 361,000!

Let’s pray to God that we are able to keep bread on our tables for the next four years. Let’s pray that He protects us from future hurricanes until an economic cure is found!

We’ll need His help because, in a couple more years, the media towel jockeys will be wearing their smelly, stained “treasures” wrapped tightly around their heads as they proselytize for Sharia law and a Holy War on Christianity.