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The Benghazi-Gate fight has gone disturbingly quiet. Much like the Fast and Furious battle that went before it, no one is talking because there is too much dirt to hide. The fight in the White House over who gets the blame for the death of a U.S. ambassador and three other Americans has world leaders placing bets on the final result. Those in the know are betting that Hillary Clinton will eventually win, but the championship battle is expected to go the full 10 rounds. Hillary has been “temporarily” taken out of the Benghazi-Gate fight, quietly scratched by her trainer, sparring partner and husband, “Slick” Will. Hillary’s punches were deemed vital to the Benghazi-Gate fight and her absence KO’s America’s fight fans.
Fight fans across America were disappointed on Friday when news reports circulated that Hillary had been weakened by a stomach virus and had fallen in her own home. Fans, anxious to watch the sparring later this week, are wondering why the challenger’s handlers failed to insist upon diagnostic tests to evaluate her condition. Experts familiar with mild traumatic brain injuries (MTBI) suggest that the holder of the prestigious Secretary of State crown should have been taken to a hospital for an EEG, an MRI and/or CT scan and X-rays. Concussions are serious injuries and proper diagnosis and precautions can prevent permanent damage to the brain.
Husband Will told anxious fight fans that “there is nothing to worry about.” Will held the heavyweight title of the world for eight years and while fighting to defend his crown he suffered powerful, near-crippling punches to the head and groin. Speaking from personal experience, Will told the crowd gathered outside their Whitehaven Street home that Hillary is getting stronger by the day. He told concerned reporters that Hillary would soon be throwing punches and screaming at him. Everyone within range of her 26-inch reach would be “in danger.”
“Just like old times,” he said, “I’ll soon be dancing and ducking the flying vases, the sailing picture frames and the sucker punches. I’ll never forget her deadly one-twos: the killer kidney punch, followed immediately by the knee to the nethers.”
“No worries now. I’m sporting my Eglin, the steel number 5,” Will said as he discreetly adjusted his crotch behind the podium. Will laughed, but his audience was stoic. Reporters didn’t get the joke because the podium concealed his calculated and well-practiced move.
Will, using the word-warfare skills perfected while still in the ring, warned the current heavyweight “Champion” that he’d better be careful. He told the President and his White House tag team of Valerie and David that Hillary would be back with a vengeance. Will warned Barack and his team that the “Champ” had better be wearing an Eglin steel number 5 cup when he steps into the ring with Hillary.
Slick Will promised the reigning “Champ” that he would NEVER allow Hillary to be thrown to the media wolves salivating at the West Wing’s doors. He made it very clear that no stains were to be left on Hillary’s reputation.
Will’s weekly sparring sessions with Juanita, Kathleen, Paula and Jennifer had prepared him well for his media-celebrated dismissal of Monica. His huge collection of cigar rings provides impressive proof of his planning and prowess as well as an historical record of his “innocent” conquests.
People still wonder why Hillary keeps Will in her corner after his White House cloak room antics, but she needs him for his uncanny ability to survive damning evidence and determined opponents. Will likes to refer to their marriage as a “match made in Heaven,” but he dares not say it in front of Hillary . . . unless, of course, he’s wearing his Eglin steel number 5!
The Benghazi-gate fight expected for later this week will be nothing more than a “dance like a butterfly” with steps, ducks, blocks, check hooks, feints, bobs, weaves and “Dempsey rolls,” all of which were perfected in the Fast and Furious bouts. Deputy Secretaries Bill Burns and Tom Nides will jump into the congressional ring and they will be wearing the protection of Eglin steel number 5’s.
The “Champ” will win the Benghazi fight by default. He learned valuable moves from his Whitewater, Vince Foster and Monica-stained mentor. Barack plans every move with Clintonesque passion. He never forgets his Eglin steel number 5, sporting it proudly as underwear “fashion.” Protection for Men is awaiting his pen.
Will has rescued his queen with her duly constructed “concussion.” Her “weakness” will soon be forgotten as she retires her stately crown, but her Washington office stinks from the sweat-soaked towels she’s left behind.
“No worries or cares,” she says, ”until Kerry arrives.” He’ll spray them with Shout and wash them in his carefree, wind-surfing style.
Will was seen the night before last in a D.C. pub laughing and conversing with three well-endowed babes, one of them wearing a memorable blue dress. An avid fan in a booth nearby watched the confident champ as he unwrapped his Gurkha Grand Reserve Churchill cigar.
Will pulled the ring, folded it in half and carefully placed the souvenir in his wallet. Lighting the $800 cigar as he left, the ex-champ pulled the towel from one of the empty champagne bottles and quickly stuffed it into his jacket’s chest pocket. He left nothing behind but his sweet-smelling smoke and a condom’s foiled square wrapper.
America’s fight fans (taxpayers) have been KO’d and left with the tab for a thrown Benghazi-Gate bout.
The Champ and Hillary have claimed their “respectable” purses.
No blame and no shame in Will’s “professional” game.
America’s fans have nothing to show, KO’d again by our “transparent” Champ:
No cigars to celebrate a winning fight,
No towels to mop the mess of more victims’ plights,
No punches readied for future fights,
Only the stench of sweat-soaked towels,
And Eglin steel number 5’s.