sleeplessandtired.com

Child on a leash learning "proper" behavior in public

A reading of last night’s news prompted a powerful stream of emotions last night. Embarrassment and shame, irritation and anger, confusion and fear were the aggressors. We are the victims, sharing our sleepless and tired nights with the thoughts of our lost freedom. There are some who hope that our fears will result in paralysis and submission. My hope is that we confront these fears with the confident knowledge that our past experience, our determination, and our strength will deflect these attacks on our freedom. These attacks are very subtle. They are like the frog placed in a kettle of water heating on the stove. The victim will die before he realizes that the water is getting warmer and warmer until it boils. The attacks are designed to harness and tether our souls, to wrap our adrenalin pumped bodies into straitjackets, and to send us running to our private bomb shelters, afraid to confront our aggressors.

The stimulus that ignited the kindling to this fire was an article written by John Rosemond, a family psychologist. He is a well known author of many parenting books and is thought to be “traditional” in his child rearing methods. His recent article, printed in the Everett Herald today,“Leashes can help kids learn to behave,” has been syndicated through the McClatchy Newspapers, and published in newspapers across America. The article makes the following incredible statements which are direct quotes:

• The leash allows the child a limited amount of freedom (the length of the tether can be adjusted).
• The idea is for the parent to patiently teach the young child how to properly behave in public places.
• …the leash can be lengthened, giving the child more and more freedom.
• I’ve seen a good number of child leashes in use in Europe and the occasional use in the USA.
• And never have I seen a child on a leash who was misbehaving.
• …it is often unnecessary by the fourth birthday.
•  The child on a leash is safe, can’t get lost, has lots more freedom than a child in a stroller, is getting more exercise than a child in a stroller, and is learning how to behave himself in public places.

Having fathered and helped to raise three sons, I was shocked that a psychologist would recommend animal training techniques for human applications. The visions of sidewalks, stores, malls, and restaurants populated by adults being led by children on leashes embarrassed me at first. But the more I thought about the nightmarish image, the angrier I became. How a loving parent can harness, leash, and train a child like an animal is beyond my threshold of patience and tolerance. The forced submission of a leash is far more demeaning than a scolding or even a spanking. Speaking, as Rosemond does, of a leash and freedom in the same sentence is a dichotomy I cannot accept. The idea of a parent “patiently” teaching with a leash is disturbing. Patient teaching is done by spending time with the child, allowing the child the freedom to make mistakes, and reprimanding the bad behavior when it occurs. Harnessing and leashing is demeaning and excessive, long term punishment. The fact that the practice is more common in Europe does not make it more permissible here. Mr. Rosemond says that he has “never seen a child on a leash who was misbehaving.” He has never seen a child trying desperately to run ahead? Has he ever seen the parent jerking the child back? Would he consider that demeaning? Mr. Rosemond says that the leash is “often unnecessary by the fourth birthday.” Can you imagine a child being harnessed and leashed in public from his first prideful days of walking at 12-18 months until the age of four? We have leash-free parks for dogs. Will we need them for our children as well? Will crate training be necessary at home? The parent subjecting his child to this “patient” teaching is much more interested in domination and submission to his power and command. I cannot argue the benefits of safety and exercise in a leash, but the negatives of the leash far outweigh those two benefits. The leash is an easy cop-out for the parent who doesn’t want to spend the time to patiently teach.

Mr. Rosemond goes on to ridicule parents who use “sippy cups” instead of teaching their children to drink water from a small cup. He calls “sippy cups” demeaning? Leashes are not? He suggests gradually increasing the quantity of water in the cup from an inch upward until the child is able to handle the cup without incident. This method requires patience, time, and communication. A parent resorting to a harness and leash would never take the time to teach drinking from a regular cup. 

Straightjacket

The conditioning of the harness and the leash can easily lead to more common straitjackets used by parents, schools, and society today. Parents liking the leash idea will be more likely to confine their infants to playpens when they are too curious and ambitious in their explorations. Our school playgrounds are missing the swings and the monkey bars of days past because our children may be injured. Our pools have no diving boards. Competitive events no longer have “losers” because a loss might mean some loss of self esteem, instead of providing a stimulus for harder work in order to earn the winner’s title.

Our Future Home?

Our government is now strapping us with the leashes of total control. Our defenses and our safety have been weakened with today’s nuclear weapons announcement. Our President  has announced that we will no longer use nuclear weapons to defend ourselves against chemical and biological attacks. We will not use them to defend our allies against the same attacks, despite our promises in treaties to defend them. We will not develop new nuclear technologies to stay ahead of countries who are continuing to do so. We are naïve enough to discard the centuries old policy of peace through strength, trusting in the promises of reciprocation. Our enemies are waiting eagerly for their dominance, and our submission. Nukes in their hands may soon send us running to the confines of the bomb shelters – forgotten in the eighties, and so common in the sixties. The reins of our government are reaching far beyond her Constitutional constraints.

The freedom to walk free of harnesses and leashes, to be free from the straitjackets of government regulation, the freedom to be curious, to explore, to invent, and to defend ourselves against our enemies are the freedoms which have made this country great. Unleash the strength and potential of our children. Save the leashes for the pets and our enemies. Challenge our children to unlock the treasures of the future!

Mr. Rosemond, I really doubt that you have used leashes on any of your children or your grandchildren. Please revise your nightmarish advice. Encourage parents to “patiently teach” and, please… make it without the leash. 

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Copyright 2010. All rights reserved to Ronald Czarnecki.